When I called February a trial last month, I meant like a sample or an example or a test run. Not a tribulation. The month was unexpectedly tumultuous for me. One particular 24 hours felt like a week. 2025’s longest month is now February. Thankfully, I am here at the end--still on ups and downs--mostly optimistic and grateful for the lessons.

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This month’s playlist:

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

The more things I watch and read that portray dreams, memory, and the interior mind, the less impressive Inception becomes to me. Inception remains an entertaining spectacle. It’s just shallow. Paprika is far more visually impressive. The Lathe of Heaven is vastly more mysterious and I’d love to see it adapted to the screen. And Eternal Sunshine is simply a better movie that is indistinguishable from an actual dream.

I hate when Clementine is swallowed by the dark. I had forgotten that shot and when I saw it again this month I was struck with admiration by how cruel and dreadful it is. That’s what this film is. Cruel and dreadful. And beautiful. A lament, and celebration.

My friend said, as we left the theater, that heartbreak is so powerful. That it’s awful but an important thing. I wonder if this is one of the ideas the movie was trying to communicate. Heartbreak changes you. Without it, you won’t. Dunst’s character is robbed of her heartbreak. She’s forced to repeat her humiliation and grief. And I think this is the small hope: she gives their heartbreak back.

Absolution

Increasingly, I realize that Area X is best as a visual experience for me. VanderMeer uses so many words to describe the indescribable--with great skill--but it’s all a rich loam begging to cultivate a visually stunning film experience. In prose alone, this ended as a ponderous exercise. I hope there’s a future for movies based on this series beyond Annihilation.

Baldur’s Gate 3

I’ve enjoyed picking away at this over the past month. I’m not far in and I don’t feel rushed. The top-down RPG captured my interest when I was young with Dungeon Siege, but I haven’t played many since. I only dabbled with Knights of the Old Republic. And I never played one with turn-based combat. I like it. I like the characters. I like the slow strategy of the battles. I like the chance of the dice rolls. It hasn’t engulfed me like it did many upon release. But I think it will be a comforting game to pick up and put down as I need.

Wolf Alice

I forget how much I love this band. I can listen to all their albums on repeat. They’re so calming and energetic at the same time.

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This month I’ve also been far too social for my own good so many of my creative endeavors have been relegated to the back burner. But the podcast I may or may not be involved with may or may not have launched, I spent way too much time mansplaining film projection formats, and managed to destroy my Pentax 6x7 on a photoshoot. Thankfully, I found a guy that may be able to resurrect it.